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Wondering whether your family’s officially plus-size?  If you can relate to the below, I think we can safely say you have ‘arrived’.

1.  Your tribe hunts as a pack

If there’s a bully in your midst, he’s minced-meat.  Your tribe stick together and have a sharp radar for each other’s business.  Pick on this kid, and you’ve just challenged the whole wolf-pack.

2.  You read the fine-print for ‘Kids stay, play and eat free’ deals

….and give a maniacal laugh….  BIG mistake!  Huge!

3. You have an ‘Injury Point Man’

Injury point man, or IP man, we call him… the child who runs interference between injured kid and parent.  They’re the one who operates the family triage… where 000 is most likely your next move.

Communication with IP Man usually goes something like this…

’Mum? you know Levi?’

’Yes, I know Levi’

‘The one who CAN’T stop moving?’

‘Yes, I think I know the one’

‘Well, it turns out he CAN stop.  And the tomato sauce on the brick wall? is not tomato sauce.’

We love IP Man.  He’s full of surprises, is chief of communications and never lets down the patient.

4. You do a headcount

There’s a large family heading toward you and you think ‘What’s with all those kids? That’s insane’, but upon counting, you realise you have one more than they do!

5. You have a picnic rug to rival all others

Ours is known as Big Bertha. You could host a softball match on this woolly, tartan quadrangle.

Others gasp as we lay it down on the grass.  On occasion, I’ve laid this out at somewhere like a Christmas Carol event, and the kids have promptly taken off to play.  I lie like a sole starfish on it, wondering if others think I’m monopolising the field.

6. You don’t care what the dress code is

‘Oh, it wasn’t a toga party?! I guess it is now.

7. Your family is mistaken for school vacation care

True story.

8. McDonald’s is a health risk

If McDonald’s drive-thru brings on a borderline panic attack (for both you and cashier), you’ve probably reached super-size.

Anxiety levels rise as kids shout out their orders and stress reaches fever-pitch.

You say to the cashier: ‘I’ll have eight soft serves, please’.

She says: ‘eight?’


Did you say, eight?


‘Eight soft serves?

‘Yes… that’s all’.

They’ll be melted upon reaching your bus 🙂

9. You have a bus but you can’t fit in your kid’s friends because it’s already full

Sorry! pick-ups and drop-offs are for ticketed passengers only.

10. You can play team sports

No neighbours required for this sports comp.

11. You can’t stay in a hotel room

Hotel rooms and apartments are a thing of the past – you need to rent a house (& a big one) for that vacay.

12. You use multiple shopping trolleys

You don’t give it a second thought as you wrangle two trolleys through Coles.

People ask:  ‘Are you hosting a party?

To which I reply:  ’Yes.  Every day’

If you can identify with each of the above, welcome to the world of Family-Big.

We’re never quiet, we’re never clean, we’re never bored, we’re never lonely, but we’re the majority and majority always wins!

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